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⊙ Most of the Time, I Slap It -- Some Like It Hot (1959)

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Published on 03 Apr 2022 / In Comedy

Just a moment, miss - May I? Help yourself. I am Osgood Fielding the Third. I am Cinderella the Second. If there is one thing I admire, it's a girl with a shapely ankle. Me too. Bye now. Let me carry one of the instruments. Thank you. Aren't you a sweetheart? It certainly is delightful to have some young blood around here. Personally, I'm Type O. You know, I've always been fascinated by show business. You don't say. Yes, indeed. It's cost my family quite a bit of money. You invest in shows? No - it's showgirls. I've been married seven or eight times. You're not sure? Mama is keeping score. Frankly, she's getting rather annoyed with me I'm not surprised. So this year, when George White's Scandals opened, she packed me off to Florida. Right now she thinks I'm out there on my yacht - deep-sea fishing. Well, pull in your reel, Mr. Fielding. You're barking up the wrong fish. If I promise not to be a naughty boy - how about dinner tonight? Sorry. I'll be on the bandstand. Oh, of course. which of these instruments do you play? BOW-fiddle. Fascinating. Do you use a bow or do you just pluck it? Most of the time I slap it. You must be quite a girl. Wanna bet? My last wife was an acrobatic dancer - you know, sort of a contortionist - she could smoke a cigarette while holding it between her toes - Zowie! - but Mama broke it up. Why? She doesn't approve of girls who smoke. Goodbye, Mr. Fielding. Goodbye? This is where I get off. Oh, you don't get off that easy. All right, driver. Once around the park. Slowly. And keep your eyes on the road. What kind of girl do you think I am, Mr. Fielding? Please. It won't happen again. No, thank you. I'll walk. Zowie!

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